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I'm Not Trying to Flirt with You or Anything

by Griffin Winton

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1.
Musician 03:55
I wonder why she wants a musician. I wonder why she holds on so tight. I wonder what she's taken for granted. I wonder if I look at her right. I wonder if I look at her right. With my doubtful eyes, and my small-town pride raining on me; with my damaged intuition and fractured proof, missing my lines on que, learning to miss you. She don't want me to adore her and the way that she slips off all her rings. She sighs as she slides under the covers and slowly drifts to sleep while I sing. Slowly drifts to sleep while I sing. With my doubtful eyes, and my small-town pride raining on me; with my damaged intuition and fractured proof, missing my lines on que, learning to miss you.
2.
I was raised on tales of true love: right and wrong and honest talking men who battled all the false believers who never win. It was a slow burn, but I began to learn of lies and time and tragic loss, that all those mediocre false believers run the world we're in. Now when I dream of Heaven, I dream in absolutes, and I'm afraid of everything I don't know how to do. I find that on the best of days I'm more or less removed. I don't like a lot of people, but I really like you. With nowhere to belong, time pulled me along, through a thousand smiling faces, winks and nods and cold embraces each a well-dressed dead end. While my feet were dragging, you couldn't help but asking what it was that had me down, if maybe you could help me out to live and feel and love again. Now when I dream of Heaven, I dream in absolutes, and I'm afraid of everything I don't know how to do. I find that on the best of days I'm more or less removed. I don't like a lot of people, but I really like you. You let me whine awhile about what I think I deserve. Then you show me I'm wrong just by letting me know that I've been heard.
3.
I Won't Go 04:10
You can only be so clever. You can only guarantee so much. I will love you forever. You will always be enough. If I love you like an old house, will you be my memories? If I love you like the springtime in the south, will you be my Tennessee? I want you to know I won't go. You carry my heart and you're never alone. I won't go. But if laying down beside me is like lying in your grave, how can I be the one to blame you if you decided not to stay? If I love you like a new man; if I love you like you know I can; if I love you like the golden sand will you be my gentle waves? I want you to know I won't go. You carry my heart and you're never alone. I won't go.
4.
Am I allowed to love you like this? Like a secret, like a prayer, like a wish? There's a blood-stained barb on the fence outside that's shaking in the breeze and the morning light, while I'm left here to tremble while thinking of your kiss. Could all my searching lead me to your arms? All my tricks and lies and cheats and charms? What's the color of the rain when it's rolling in if it don't look the same when hits your skin? So camouflage your heart lest I see it once again. Only fools love the morning when they're crying in the afternoon. Only God loves forever, though many claim to. My chest cannot contain my eager heart. My tongue will not corral this listless lark. I'm more than I can handle, ask my bruises, scabs, and brambles. I'm a thistle flower blooming, catch your eye and leave you with scars. So skip to my lou, my darling. Skip anywhere that you please. Strangle in your garden what is left of me. Am I allowed to love you like this? Like a secret, like a prayer, like a wish?
5.
Tongue Kiss 03:26
I still love the smell of wet lumber; I still love the house I found you under, gasping for breath and begging for death. I still tell the story we constructed instead. I still love the color of your cheeks when you cry. I still try to harmonize with you when I sigh, cause you let me in when no one wanted to sin with me but you. Excuse me while I nail my hands to the roof of your mouth. Forgive if I use your name in vain cause I'll be thinking out loud. There's a sermon that's up for grabs, there's a dark room in the back. Last time I checked still liked to laugh with you, you know. I still kinda like that I don't know who I am, whoever felt you tremble in the back of the van would not know gladness no matter how hard he tried. Excuse me while I tie this ribbon on you so I know where I've been. Don't bother with the compass, all it wants to do is sit there and spin. There's some room on my chest for a map, there's a chisel there in your lap. Last time I checked I still like to laugh with you, you know. I still love the house I found you under. I still love the smell of wet lumber. I still love the rain, I still love the windows.
6.
Out of Hand 02:15
7.
'Til Now 04:27
You had the money in the bank, enough for any public school in the Yellowhammer State. You fought for every cent wearing homemade pageant gowns. You're momma never was too easy to please, and she ain't been talking since you said you planned to leave; daddy didn't understand how you could turn that money down. But their place is in the rearview as you're driving away, and you never really knew why you just couldn't stay 'til now. Ain't it funny how those people we thought we were are just like these strangers scattered across the patio, telling lies and getting stoned and laughing at their own jokes? Ain't it funny how you kinda just sneak up on yourself? Your sister played a Japanese SG. She'd often bare her teeth and sing the foulest words she knew with an angry screeching sound. She'd go out to the Nick every night. Or some other piss-soaked Birmingham dive with a pink mohawk and a Danzig-looking scrapper hanging around. But now she's buying Gatorade for soccer games with a husband who's never had to watch his weight 'til now. Ain't it funny how those people we thought we were are just like these strangers scattered across the patio, telling lies and getting stoned and laughing at their own jokes? Ain't it funny how you kinda just sneak up on yourself? Desdemona, you rock 'n' roller you're always on my mind. Girl, c'mon over anytime. Sad eyed-lady, you just can't save me, but you can give it a try. Girl, c'mon over anytime.
8.
Believe it or not here I come from the spiral bound histories that I have tried to keep. But I was so distracted by what I was sure was happening that I might as well have been asleep. She said, "You take all the fun out of being reckless; you take all the danger out of me; you take all the shine out of my necklace. You take all you want, not all you need. I know that you're not in command of this fleet that's in my bay or the javelin in your hand, but I'm trying to surrender to you, I'm trying to surrender to you, just tell me what to do." She'll be glad to learn that for once I held my tongue and when I dropped it shattered all across the floor. Now I just try to sink through all the lovely conversation, all the ills and agitations all the pomp and silent wars. No more, 'Tell me about the night that you fell in love with me,' swap statistics get our stories straight, so everyone can believe that someone will keep you from feeling lonely that someone has just right tools. Goddamn you for making me believe that someone has just the right tools. I know that you're not in command of this fleet that's in my bay or the javelin in your hand, but I'm trying to surrender to you, I'm trying to surrender to you. just tell me what to do, just tell me what to do.
9.
I like my friends how I like my drive-thru caramel macchiato: cheap and shameless and sweet. I make a new friend every week. I like my women how I like my liquor and I like my liquor strong. Life gets hard and they get knocked down, but they're never gonna stay knocked down very long. You don't have to learn my name. I'm just one more weak handshake. But don't go saying, "What a shame" when you realize it's engrained. If you steal this song just play it real loud so all your friends can hear it unless you think it'll kill the vibe cause I don't wanna be interfering. I like my friends how I like my drive-thru caramel macchiato: sounds great right now but I don't know what I'll be looking for tomorrow. You don't have to learn my name. I'm just one more weak handshake. But don't go saying, "What a shame" when you realize it's engrained.
10.
I hope you kiss somebody you care about whether or not it's me, but I really kinda hope it's me, and I hope you hope so too. Like a stray cat slipping through back yards, hopping fences when the dogs bark, I know it can be a little hard to find somewhere you feel safe. So you keep on moving through the shadows and the mud, licking your wounds and drawing blood until you find a home that will sustain. I hope you kiss somebody you care about whether or not it's me, but I really kinda hope it's me, and I hope you hope so too. I'm not a strong man, might not be a good man, most of the time, I don't even know what that means. I sure can argue, you might wish I was more serene, but I'd never hurt you, never on purpose at least. And I know you've got travelling on your mind. I'll miss you like hell, but I'll never keep you from your horizons. If you land far away from me, just do me a favor and find someone who treats you right. I hope you kiss somebody you care about whether or not it's me, but I really kinda hope it's me and I hope you hope so too.
11.
Ursula whispered soul songs to Santiago who payed no attention to the sun burn running up and down his spine. They laid in the sand it was left in their pockets to rain and lightly settle in the folds of their sheets and their coffee cups of wine. When Alsana kisses Hermione's neck she'll grimace with ticklish glee, and breathe in the morning just north of Honalee. Omelas is bustling, the streets shake from wagons and breezes--perfumed by the markets--parade through the temples and carry prayers to Absalom. While Kaleena undresses the petals and chooses the music you dream to which leads you to see through the days when just her memory was enough. Kamala is writhing and anxious, she's climbing a sycamore tree to gaze upon the sunset in Honalee. The snakeskins that once spelled your name were thrown away, along with the action figures long-forgotten in the yard, badly charred, and silently bitter. Keep a list of things that make you weep Mikasa heard a heartbeat and turned away before she christened Torvald with her tears. Jordan maps the stars when she can see reflections in the creek beside the house where she's been hiding out for all these years. Jackie's doing alright, you know, he's just trying to make ends meet. He smokes a little more than he'd like to, and he's been seeing this girl up the street. She used to be a dancer but now she just sways along with the beat. When the music carries over from Honalee

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released April 20, 2018

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Griffin Winton Nashville, Tennessee

Not driving off--moving on.

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